I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
