I'm drive I can fine osifer
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
