I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
