He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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