In the future we'll all be gay
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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