its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
