had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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