More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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