I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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