But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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