How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
