How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
