Me. At least after what I've been through.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
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