You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
