I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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