I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
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