My hair reeks of homosexuality.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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