I hate all girls vehemently.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
