You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
