Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
