bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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