u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
