I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
