bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
