I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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