In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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