Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Dear god my vagina.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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