dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
