Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
