sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Randomize
