that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize
