we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
