His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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