there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
