I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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