I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
