I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
