There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
