Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
All the doctor said was why
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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