2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
