I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
