I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
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