Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
