So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
