lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
