I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
