What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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