I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
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