So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
