Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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