I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
