the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
