sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
