so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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