I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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