remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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