gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
