It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
