you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Randomize
