im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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