sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
