I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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