alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
She even gives head with a lisp.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
