I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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