I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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