You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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