I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Randomize
