I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Just cropdusted the office
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
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