My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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