Cold hands, warm shart.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
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