he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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