I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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