got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
